Friday, August 19, 2005

Famous Authors Write Presidential Biographies

Have you ever heard people say that the Nixon presidency could be read like a Shakespearean tragedy? My pastor brought that up again last week when he was talking about pride, and I started thinking, "If Shakespeare wrote the Nixon presidency, who wrote the other ones?" I have to admit, I came at this totally with an eye of mischieviousness, not political in the least. But I've come up with some ideas. Maybe you can think of some more.

They are listed in order of president's name, author, book (presidency) title, and excerpt:



Madison
Dolly Madison
Men: Who Needs Them?
"They'll never remember him after we leave."

Jackson
Jeff Foxworthy
You Might Be a Jacksonian Democrat if….
"Your friends come barefoot to the inaugural, and there's two covered wagons on blocks on the front lawn of the White House.”

W. H. Harrison
Ernest Hemingway
The Last Days of Tippecanoe
"I lit a cigarette. It started to rain. He talked on. And on. Then he got sick. Thirty days later, he died. Well, that's that, I thought."

Lincoln
Fyodor Dostoevsky
Wives and Punishment
"Day after day, he wondered how long it would last. He kept thinking, why don't they just shoot me?"

Garfield
Swami Jimi Davisu
Channeling Garfield
"And he will return in the 20th century as a fat feline who loves lasagne"

T. Roosevelt
Michael Chrichton
National Park
"Crazed by the industrial revolution which made the bear extinct, T. was obsessed by bringing this primitive animal back to life. And building a canal in central America."

Taft
Dr. Atkins
The All-Fat, No-Exercise Diet
“Our stately president, all 300 pounds of him, is a prime example of good health!”

Harding
Agatha Christie
The Tea-Pot Affair
"Scandalously, they put the tea-pot under the dome."

F. Roosevelt
Homer
ROOSEVELT REX
Πδηγαπ ςτφχοοπ. Βεζρσε ςστ!!

Nixon
Wm. Shakespeare
The Prince of Loma Linda
“A splicer, a splicer, my kingdom for a splicer!”

Ford
John Cleese
Tumbling Through Washington
“I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up.”

Clinton
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Those Crazy Nineties
"But we all had a swell time, no?"

G. W. Bush
Louis L’Amour
The Man From Crawford
"It was almost noon. Bush and Bin Laden stared each other down, mano a mano, in the street outside the jailhouse. The light of the sun glinted off of Bush's marshall's badge. This was what he'd waited for. The moment of truth had come."

1 comment :

Billy D said...

Haha. That was great! Very funny stuff.