Monday, November 28, 2011

Liberals have more fun

As annoyed as I am by the Occupy Wall Street Crowd, I have a feeling they're having a lot more fun than I do, say, at a Tea Party rally with a bunch of old fogies like myself.

For one thing, I suspect they are having a lot of sex, and doing drugs that lead to incredible experiences. The most exciting pharmaceutical in my apartment is pseudoephedrine, for which I had to ask the pharmacist in soft tones, lest any designer druggies overheard, and then to swear on the grave of Carrie Nation that I had not, did not, and would not start making methamphetamine before they would sell it to me).

And sex? The last time I was drawn to a gentleman who was drawn to me was when I myself went around complaining that it was the evil capitalists screwing things up around here...albeit not in a tent in 30 degree weather. The gentleman drawn to me agreed and we enjoyed many spirited, er,  political discussions. But one night, sensing I was hoping for more commitment, he told me we were ultimately incompatible....for one thing,he thought that would be the perfect time to tell he was married.

So the only things having sex around here are two of my female cockatiels, and the ferrel cats who live around the dumpster. Like Janet Reno, I am an awkward old maid.

(my current values frown on extramarital sex, but it would be nice to at least know someone would find the idea of having sex with me intriguing.)

I also suspect there's a lot of singing going on in the "Occuppy" tents. Friends, maybe brand new ones, playing acoustic guitars and harmonicas, channeling the pre-Newport Dylan. Not to mention modern socially relevant minstrels like Ani Difranco, Green Day, and Wilco. Throw in a little
Bruce Springsteen and you have all the ingredients for a new tv series: "Occupy Wall Street/Philadelphia/Oakland/Escanaba has Talent!". Or its logical spinoff, "OWS Idol!". ("Katy is an agitator for the Indianapolis chapter of the Communist Party of the US. When her artist husband, Louie, is not in jail for trying to overthrow the US government, they form a singing duo performing at coffee shops and Unitarian churches around America. Solo yet again because of the fascist Oakland police department, Katy will be performing "O mio babino caro" from the opera Gianni Schicchi, while simultaneously defacing portraits of US bankers, and juggling.")

Actually, I have many fine memories singing "What's So Funny Bout Peace Love and Understanding" and "Born in the USA" at parties and rallies as a left leaning college student. I was involved with a lot of this partly because I wanted to freak my parents out, and to be different. I liked the ideals pushed by the left but I didn't study them carefully. If I had, I would likely have Gone Over To The Dark Side much earlier.

Three decades later I am a little wiser, but definitely having less fun. Although getting drunk on bad beer, dating emotionally unavailable men, and watching "He Man" every afternoon in the residence hall lounge don't sound like very much fun now, anyway.

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