Saturday, July 16, 2016

List: People (and other things) I've wanted to marry

I've given up now.  Now, if someone proposed to me,  I'm convinced he'd be plotting to swindle me out of my retirement funds and then go back to his real wife and kids (okay, adult kids).

But it was fun while it lasted!

Here, in chronological order, are all the people, places and things I've had crushes on.

3. Ringo in the cartoon Beatles.

4. Donny Osmond ( at first the cartoon Donny Osmond, then the real actual one. This ends my halcyon "Animated" period)

5. Guy in 3rd grade with red hair who never talked to me, but whom I fantasized rescuing just before he got hit with a car.

6.  Guy in 8th grade who danced with me once and eventually became a priest.  

7.  Guy who, at the time, was the only guy who talked to me in high school

8.  My best friend's boyfriend (The Cars were really hot that year)

9.  My best friend

10  Awkward, shy, fat guy who mirrored my awkward, shy fatness.

11  my sadistic math professor who once slammed the door in my face because I was a minute late to his class.

12.   Fellow student at MSU I stalked for awhile (I am so sorry.  Really).

13.   My first boss

14..   Histrionic and emotionally unavailable coworker

15.. A guy who is likely a terrorist, and who was married all the time we dated, but didn't tell me. 

16.  Random bible study group Guy

17.   Guy who had been a 9 year old Jewish refusenik from the USSR, who was the most narcissistic psychiatry resident I've ever met

18  My aerobics instructor 

20 #11, who I bought dinner for when I went to MSU for a conference a few years ago.  He was a lot nicer old than he was when he was working.  But I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't.

Those of the above I actually ever dated: 8,10,12,14,16

Those of the above who probably tortured animals as a kid: 2,11,13, 14,17 19

Those to whom I gave a homemade scrapbook for of their wedding announcements in papers around the world, because there are no hard feelings and THAT'S JUST WHO I AM:  4

Those whose parent(s) I ever met:  6,8,9,10, and, believe it or not, 19 (I asked her who she was waiting for to come backstage and see, and she stared me daggers. Then I realized she was mom.)

No comments :