Saturday, August 06, 2016

An Open Letter to Those Who Refer to Me as Norman Kelly, Mr. Kelly ,Mr,Norman or Ms. Kelly:

Stop it, OK?

Generally when you show your inattentive selves it is when you're working through a list of people whose names are either written first-name first, or last-name first. There is really no reason for you to suspect that my name is different, particularly when there are other Kelly's on your list---always the case in each of my elementary and high school classes.

My first name is Kelly, and my last name is Norman.  Is that really so difficult to understand, so mysterious, such a reason to believe some evil demon has talked it's way into the school, advertised shopping outlet or car dealer, hacked your intranet, downloaded whatever list you think you've found me on, then DIDNT CHANGE IT but put a little asterisk there that says,"If you read this backwards, you'll hear something really cool!"?  

Now I know my name is listed in the same order every other name on the list is.  I know this because when every teacher I had from 1st grade to 8th grade fouled it up, after reading "Tony Nelson" or "Julie McNorton" , they furrowed their brows, paused and asked, very confused, "Uh...Norman Kelly?".  They KNEW there was something not right about it. And yet, every September, as I got to be not-enough-older, each year wanting to be as un -different  from my peers as I thought they were from each other, some lout of an adult would screw the hell out of my name.

I hoped I would be free from this annoying symptom of the stupidity of humanity, but now, instead of my name being read wrong, you send me mail addressed to "Mr. Norman" or "Mr. Kelly."  Yes, there are male Kelly's out there.  But are they really in the majority?  What is the probability that you'll be right if you call me Ms. Norman, Miss Norman, or even Mrs. Norman?

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